Philadelphia Cheese Sex Fiend Terrorises Mayfair
Police in the States are on high alert after details emerged of a overweight middle-aged man driving through the streets of Mayfair, Philadelphia offering women cash to watch him masturbating between slices of Swiss cheese.
The mystery sex fiend first set up a cheese flavoured profile on relationship portal OK Cupid, the Independent reported, before being spotted prowling the streets in a silver sedan by observant members of neighbourhood watch/ vigilante posse Mayfair TownWatch (MTW)
“Good Morning Mayfair! Please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert!” MTW warned in a posting on their facebook page.
“This individual is driving around surrounding communities and exposes himself to women. He offers them money to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates.” http://ind.pn/1frGc35
‘Certified clinical sexologist’ Gloria Brame predicted the cheese man could be dangerous given his need to involve random women on the street on his curious fantasy.
“Yeah, it’s pretty weird, but with food, who knows. It’s surprising, but it isn’t shocking,” Ms Brame told Philly.com
“If this guy really wanted to, there’s no hooker in the world who would turn down $50 to [pleasure a guy] with Swiss cheese,” she pointed out http://bit.ly/1dvItsk
In more cheese news, scientists in Ireland unveiled a particularly pungent new variety of cheese created from bacteria gathered from ‘human toe, armpit, belly button and mouth bacteria.’
The as yet unbranded variety ‘supposedly smells similar to each donor’s body odor’, CBS reported, though creator and microbiologist Christina Agapakis said most batches ‘smell like normal cheese’.
“Many of the stinkiest cheeses are hosts to species of bacteria closely related to the bacteria responsible for the characteristic smells of human armpits or feet,” she explained. (CBS: http://cbsn.ws/1a3bH1t )
http://bzfd.it/1kCLiM6 (Girl modelling a dress made out of cheese slices)
Tangentially related classic John Waters clips: