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Mata Hari ‘Hated Bankers’




Documents released by Britain’s secret police force MI5 this week have revealed that iconic burlesque dance and World War 1 double agent Mata Hari was unrepentant about her bohemian lifestyle as she faced execution by firing squad.


Nowadays widely recognized as ‘an enduring archetype of the femme fatale’ (wiki), she struggled to make a living as an exotic dancer and courtesan of French industrialists at the beginning of the 20th century and was shot to death by firing squad after being exposed as a double agent working for the Germans in 1917.


In MI5’s previously ‘top secret’ files, she remained characteristically defiant during her last interrogation, Fox News reported.


“When faced with her acquaintances with officers of all ranks and all nations, she replied that she loved all officers, and would rather have as her lover a poor officer than a rich banker.”


Cannibals in New Guinea in the 1960s demonstrated similar good taste, a report on Yahoo News revealed this week, which examined fresh claims that banker scion Michael Rockefeller was chopped up and eaten by the locals when he set off on an exhibition to Guinea looking for ‘Primitive art’ to bring back to New York in 1961.


According to Carl Hoffman’s new book ‘Savage Harvest: A Tale of Cannibals, Colonialism and Michael Rockefeller’s Tragic Quest for Primitive Art, the super-rich banking heir was ‘speared in the chest’ before being served up as the main course for a local tribal BBQ.


Pieces of meat were placed in the fire to roast,” Asmat tribemen reportedly recounted to the writer, “they pulled the charred legs and arms out of the fire, tore the meat off the bones and mixed it with crumbly, whitish grey sago into long sticks for everyone to eat.”


In more bizarre banker news, the Guardian revealed this week that former Goldman Sachs guru Jim O’Neill, who previously coined the term BRIC for emerging market countries Brazil, Russia, Indian and China, is hoping to rename Manchester and Liverpool ‘Manpool’ in a bizarre attempt to merge the two neighbouring Northern towns.


“As head of the City Growth Commission, he believes that both cities – and the UK – would be stronger if they combined their populations and resources to become a super-city,” the Guardian explained.












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