Click for a detailed explanation on why we're definitely doomed....

Family Radio sister organization eBible Fellowship appear to have set a new date for the much delayed Rapture, revealing that Armageddon will now happen around March 7.

Posting on their website a banner poster asking Will the World End in March 2012? the Bible studies group declared yes, suggesting that 21^st May last year was in fact Judgement Day and that all the really nasty zombie blood and guts stuff will soon happen ‘until March 7th, 8th, 9th, 2012’ (http://bit.ly/AD9uNY )

eBible Fellowship’s leader Chris McCann was one of the biggest supporters of Harold Camping’s May 21^st end of the world date last year, and posting on his Yahoo newsgroup last month stressed he’s kept the faith.

“This group continues to support the teaching of the longtime faithful Bible ministry “Family Radio” and its president Mr. Harold Camping,” he said on the  “Time and Date Discernment”. Grouo.

 ”Although EBiblefellowship’s “Discerning Time & Judgment” group has no affiliation with Family Radio we encourage everyone to visit: Familyradio.com or find your local Family Radio station to listen to.”

Details of the new Rapture date came soon after Vice Magazine published a detailed exposure of vast sums of money earned by Howard Camping after his followers donated their assets in anticipation of Armageddon.

“Some say the church earned a cool $56 mil from the failed prediction,” Vice’s Rick Paulus reported.

“Others go with $72 million. One goes as high as $120 million. No one’s quite sure. What everyone is sure of, however, is that Camping is sitting on a shit-ton of money.”

THE VIDEO BELOW IS DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!!!

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Malawi's Lake of Stars: Cancelled

30 British music festivals went bankrupt last year, the Independent newspaper noted last week, in a feature which asked the question ‘are our field days over?’

Citing ‘an increasing feeling that festivals have shifted too far from their original hippie-spirited ethos’, writer Lena Corner blamed corporate sponsors for diluting many events’ sense of ‘alternative reality’ while eFestivals guide chief Scott Williams identified a new breed of ‘festival tourists’ for doing the same thing.

“(The festival tourist) is someone who would never have dreamt of going to a festival 10 years ago,” he said.

“They saw that festivals were fashionable so they go out and buy all the right kit from the high street – Cath Kidston tent, Hunter wellies”.

“The popular festival bubble has burst,” he declared. (Independent: http://ind.pn/wuuhAu )

The report emerged just weeks after Australian business journal the Financial Review reported on a similar crisis afflicting the local scene after leading event promoters Big Day Out scaled back productions and admitted losing money for the first time in 20 years.

Citing exorbitant fee demands from A list artists and a ‘glut of rival events’, Big Day Out founder Ken West said revellers suffering from ‘festival fatigue’ were also scaling back as ticket prices rise ever higher.

“Audiences who were going to four or five events a summer are now thinking, ‘how did I afford it?’,” he told the Journal.

“The scene needs to contract and the oversupply of events and under-supply of talent will subside and the future will improve again.” (Australian Financial Review: http://bit.ly/A7Mpfq )

Meanwhile in Malawi, organizers of acclaimed international event the Lake of Stars International Music Festival’ announced they’re cancelling this year’s event‘ following fuel shortages and increasingly tough economic conditions in the Southern African country.

British festival organizer Will Jameson, who also runs acclaimed Liverpool events organization ‘Chibuku Shake-Shake’, told the Malawi’s Sunday Times, however, that ‘they were taking a break to concentrate on supporting other local arts initiatives’.

“It’s not to do with the problems troubling the country but rather we just wanted to take stock of our activities and then come back fresh and bigger next year,” he told Malawi’s Sunday Times.

“But we are not going out for good, we just want to take stock and come back bigger and better,” he promised. (http://bit.ly/weyKWf )

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Producers for an upcoming European DJ talent show ‘Superstar DJ’ reacted angrily to the news that Simon Cowell’s Syco Entertainment is planning a rival DJ talent show, suggesting this week that the karaoke king’s version will be inauthentic.

Show creator Gilly Da Silva said she’d been working on her series’ concept for over 11 months and said her winner will need to have ‘proved he/she has the stamina and is prepared to fight tooth and nail to be come one of the world’s most in demand DJs.’

‘It takes a lot of commitment and hard-work to become a Superstar DJ, its all about branding yourself, building a strong following and obviously keeping the audience engaged,” she told Televisual News, “It’s not something that can be judged on a stage like X Factor.” http://bit.ly/xrOloh

Chatting to Skrufff, Gilly (who as well as being the wife of chart topping club crossover star Rui Da Silva) has worked in the nightlife business for two decades, revealed she felt ‘sick to my stomach’when she first heard of Cowell’s plans.

Gilly Da Silva

“His announcement has made us resolute that we are better placed to deliver something that is a genuine opportunity and one that can reflect authentically the real experiences of our participants and partners,” she continued.

 “He needs to stick to his freak shows, because that’s where his expertise lies,’ she stormed.

Speaking about their shows advantages, Gilly’s co-producer Barry Ryan (boss of London production company Free @ Last TV) singled out the ‘credibility of our expert DJs and advisors who have worked for years in what is essentially a closed industry’, a point Gilly also emphasised.

“Our partners are insiders,” she explained.

“We all know that there are some insiders who shouldn’t be on the stage but are there because of nepotism . . . and if we can encourage a few people to step up and grasp an opportunity why should we not – especially in these bleak times.”

So why should the dance industry open its doors to some outsider winner of a competition?

“It’s all in the wording, isn’t it,” Gilly responded.

“If they are labelled ‘some outsider winner of a competition’ then they will have no chance but it’s about who has judged them worthy and brought them forward and with our partners we hope to create a more positive and empowering energy than the usual downbeat and dismissive UK mentality,” she said.

“It’s also about the grammar of how it is filmed – anything can be shown on TV but it’s about the filming style and how the audience is allowed a window to that world – and how you allow your contestants to connect with the audience in the venues and at home. Cowell is planning arena scale and this is misleading,” she suggested.

Gilly also stressed they are currently still in talks about who is giving away the prize away, in contradiction to details posted on the earlier Televisual News report.

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Click on the picture to sign Ministry's petition

Ministry Of Sound faced an uncertain future this week after the South London club warned that property developers and politicians are continuing to threaten their Elephant & Castle home.

“London Mayor Boris Johnson is about to grant planning permission for luxury flats opposite Ministry of Sound,” the club warned in a statement calling for clubbers’ support.

“In 2011, Ministry of Sound fought and won the battle to Save Our Club.

In 2012, we need your help again to win the war,” they declared.

“We thought our future was secured when Southwark Council’s Planning Committee voted overwhelmingly to reject the plans,” they continued.

“Now the developer has convinced Boris Johnson to “call in” the application and hopes to overturn this democratic decision. Don’t let Boris shut us down.”

Details of the conservative Old Etonian millionaire mayor’s decision to support property developers over nightlife contradicted his personal reputation as a hard partying onetime member of notorious high society hooligan society the Bullingdon Club.

Appearing on a British comedy show Have I Got News For You he joked about using class A drugs, bizarrely quipping ‘I think I was once given cocaine, but I sneezed and so it did not go up my nose’, and three years later was largely unrepentant.

“Well, that was when I was 19,” he told Janet Street Porter, “It all goes to show that sometimes it’s better not to say anything,” he snorted (Guardian: http://bit.ly/yo65CB

He was equally ambivalent about binge drinking, in a newspaper column he wrote for the Daily Telegraph in 2005 in with he admitted finding it ‘rather admirable to get bladdered, leathered, rat-arsed and otherwise hogwhimpering drunk.”

“‘We drink the Russians off the balcony; we drink the Ukrainians under the table. Of our teenagers, 40 per cent have been dead drunk more than 10 times in the past 12 months, compared with a piffling 7% of French teenagers,” he chortled.

“It was as I was skimming through these statistics that I suddenly had an insight. I realised to my horror that I was reading the figures with pride,” he said.

Click here to sign Ministry’s Online petition: http://bit.ly/cfnO54

For more information on how you can Save Our Club contact saveourclub2012@ministryofsound.com

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Click to read Deadmau5's latest rant in full

Canadian rave star Deadmau5 predicted Simon Cowell’s X Factor superstar DJ show will ‘catapult the awareness of EDM through the roof’, in a lengthy diatribe posted on his blog.

“Theres just no way in hell im going to come out guns blazing with an attitude like “fuck this, this isnt real DJ’ing, or has nothing to do with anything and blah blah blah”, said Deadmau5, “And it sure seems that EDM has been deemed fashionable these days to warrant it’s own long overdue primetime slot to the masses.”

“Give the underdogs a shot, see what happens… and EVEN IF no massive worldwide careers busted out of it… well shit, sure would be entertaining to watch wouldnt it?” (Facebook: http://on.fb.me/yORx0z )

His enthusiastic embrace of underdog DJs came some four years after he told the Irish Daily Star he hoped DJs ‘will fucking go the way of the dinosaur’ in a typically hilarious rant in which he also compared them to ‘fucking lawyers’ (‘you need them but they’re fucking cunts’).

Following a storm of protest, he backtracked via a posting on Myspace.

“Let me start by admitting . . . I did not grow up in the EDM (electronic dance music) scene. I don’t consider my career to be about ”being a DJ”. I don’t have “DJ roots”. I never had any intention of becoming a DJ.”

“And my conception of “DJ’s” in general from this standpoint has always been . . . being forced into some nightclub when I would have rather stayed home, and watch some dood (dude) mash the “play / stop” button and occasionally move a pitch slider. Love it or hate it, that’s just been my conception of the traditional “dj”,” he said.

“I’m not a total fucking idiot, and I recognize talent when I see it . . . and there are many talented DJ’s out there for sure,” he conceded.

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

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tiga; No longer wearing sunglasses at night (click for more)

Tiga’s label Turbo tackled the thorny issue of suspect superstar DJ feedback this week, with an unusually honest plug for Zoo Brazil’s new single New York.

“Zoo Brazil’s last Twin Turbo release received support from Crookers, Zombie Nation, Popof, Brodinski and Ewan Pearson,” said Turbo, “Also, someone downloaded it on behalf of Richie Hawtin.”

In related news, researchers from Essex University announced that Britain is facing an ‘integrity crisis’ after a study revealed that Brits are lying, cheating, littering and generally breaking more rules than they did 10 years ago.

Study chief Professor Paul Whitely told the Independent that Brits are ‘tending to become more dishonest, they are more willing to tell lies’.

“We think it is because their role models are not very good,” the Professor added, “footballers who cheat on their wives, journalists who hack people’s phones.” (http://tgr.ph/yM0Pmm )

In more Turbo news, meanwhile, the (Canadian) label poked fun at Skrillex, or rather his rabid fans, releasing on Youtube a superbly reworked version of Aphex Twin’s experimental masterpiece Flim designed especially for said fans.

“Recently, Skrillex posted Aphex Twin’s “Flim”, saying it was his favorite song of all-time. Unfortunately, his legions of discerning fans were upset by the track’s glaring lack of a drop,” Turbo noted on the text accompanying the track.

“We gave Scottish prodigies Clouds two hours to “correct” this, and hopefully redeem AFX in the eyes of dubstepchildren across the U.S.”

Click here to see if they succeeded

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Paul Arnold

London club promoter Paul Arnold chatted to Skrufff this week about moving his Chew The Fat parties to East London’s Xoyo and also revealed that he’d been particularly inspired by a recent Skrufff interview with Tim Deluxe in which Tim chatted candidly about the reality of life as an international DJ and club star.

“I really enjoyed the Tim Deluxe feature because it was fascinating and very truthful,” he said.

“I forwarded it to a few artists I manage who are in very similar situations. It’s so frustrating managing an artist who has such good opportunities but goes through those similar issues. This article has been a great help for them knowing it’s not just them,” said Paul.

Tim Deluxe (click on the picture to read the interview in full)

Chatting to Skrufff last December, Tim, who in his 16 year career has had massive worldwide hits including speed garage smash RIP Groove and house anthem ‘It Just Won’t Do’, outlined the common breakthrough DJ formula he encountered.

“The irony is when you gain commercial success it drags you away from were you should be at. You see it time and time again in this industry,” said Tim.

“New producer/s makes hot tunes > blows up = gigs everywhere > remixes instead of original productions > tours too heavily > physically and mentally tired = no new records.

“Also add copious amounts of free alcohol and drugs and you’ve pretty much got the picture. Burn Out, Divorce, Addiction, take your pick! This cycle is so common.”

Similarly travelling the world as an in demand DJ for over ten years, Paul’s globetrotting adventures came to an abrupt end when he discovered he was suffering from leukaemia in 2007.

Now fully recovered Paul has now taken up long-distance swimming (while Tim does marathon running), though admitted one of his frustrations about his illness was discovering it was partially self-inflicted.

“A big frustration was the lack of knowledge I had, and that people still have about the risk of cancer and how it is caused, especially amongst people leading those party lifestyles,” he reflected.

“Most people thought I just got leukaemia by chance but it was definitely a disease brought on by lifestyle. People don’t understand that,” he said.

Chew the Fat returns to London at their new home of Xoyo on Friday February 10, headlined by garage legend MJ Cole, Foamo, Hot City, French Fries and a Donga presents Well Rounded Records Showcase (room 2).

(Read the Tim Deluxe Interview in full here)

http://www.thefatclub.com

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Click on the picture to buy Led Zepp

William Conn from Las Vegas nightclub The Joint at Hard Rock praised Tiesto for being ‘our classic rock growing up’, in the official trailer for Tiesto’s new In The Booth series, this week declaring “He is your Led Zeppelin. He is your Bon Jovi. He is your U2.”

Speaking to the New York Times the same week, the Dutch trance-pop icon coincidentally agreed.

“DJs are the new rock stars,” he decreed, “We’ve been saying it for years, but now you can really see it.” http://nyti.ms/AnyYS8

The Miami New Times, however, seemed disappointingly less than reverential, launching a poll ‘Is Tiësto the Led Zeppelin of Electronic Dance Music?’ and taking additional exception to Conn’s comparison between the rock gods and popsters Bon Jovi and U2.

“Just five seconds in (to the video) and some dude squeezes Tiësto onto the same fucking pedestal as Robert Plant,” they moaned, “Further insulting the greatness of Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham by inadvertently lumping them into the same category as radio rock.”

Judging by Youtube views, however, Conn was remarkably modest, with Tiesto and Diplo’s smash hit C’Mon attracting 19million views in the last 6 months compared to 9 million for Led Zep’s 1972 classic Kashmir.

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Perez Hilton; click to access

US gossip king Perez Hilton joined the growing list of high profile dubstep haters this week, Tweeting a five word declaration ‘Dubstep is officially dead, right?’

His dubstep dismissal coincided with a lengthy discourse on genres by superstar trance type Jono Grant from Above and Beyond, who chatting to Spinner magazine, launched a less overt attack on rivals jumping on the dubstep bandwagon.

“The weaker artists try to copy the successful ones, and try to make a record like someone else’s hit, and that’s just a very weak thing to do. We’d rather stick to our guns,” said Jono,

“The important thing is, who’s going to be left when the bubble bursts? Because it will burst at some point,” he predicted. (http://aol.it/A4iVr6 )

Electroclash copyist and corporate cipher Lady Gaga, meanwhile, neatly sidestepped the issue by announcing she’s instead invented her own genre, ‘avante-garde techno rock’, which is distinguished by ‘really big Def Leppard-style melodies in the choruses’.

“There are a lot of rock influences on the album but not that it is rock music,” the former schoolmate of Paris Hilton explained.

“It is an exploration of electronic music and techno songs but I have created a genre of metal/dance/techno/rock/pop music with a lot of anthemic choruses, because that is actually the music I love,” she admitted (The Sun; http://bit.ly/w08ix4 )

http://bit.ly/w7yPOH (Perez Hilton on Gaga talking about Paris: ‘It’s true [that we went to school together], but I don’t see [Paris] as an artist . . . [At school] I was the smart, studious theatre and music student. I didn’t hang out with all the popular blonde girls. I wasn’t blonde really until I was 20 years old . . .’)

CLICK HERE (AND WATCH BELOW FOR LADY GAGA AND PARIS HILTON’S SCHOOL)

Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff

Click for Dusty Kid's music

Sardinian tech superstar Dusty Kid joined the chorus of Italians condemning Costa Concordia cruise ship captain, Francesco Schettino, for abandoning ship before his passengers, after steering the giant ship onto rocks.

The cowardly captain attracted increasing vitriol after tape recordings emerged of him ignoring coast-guard Gregorio De Falco’s requests to get back on board after the captain slipped away before any of his ships 4.200 passengers and crew had been evacuated,

As Captain De Falco equivocated, Mr De Falco became increasing angry eventually ordering “Vado a bordo, cazzo”- get back on board, fucker’.

Following the tape’s broadcast, the coast guard was hailed as a hero, while the press turned on the Captain.

“If only half of it is true, we are looking at a type of Italian that we cannot pretend not to recognise: more full of himself than sure of himself,” La Repubblica declared.

“One who does stupid things for the sake of having fun and seeks to hide them with the mantra ‘Everything’s OK, no problem.’”

La Stampa was even harsher.

“He was a dark-haired, sun-tanned “dare devil”, according to one ship’s officer, who drove his 114,000 tonne, 13-storey cruise liner “like a Ferrari” and telephoned his ‘Mamma’ as soon as he realised the trouble he was in,’ La Stampa reported.

Chatting to Skrufff last month, Dusty Kid was already despairing of the attitudes of his countrymen and disgraced former leader Silvio Berlusconi in particular declaring ‘I want Sardinian independence’.

“The worst thing about Italians is that for most of the population Berlusconi is a perfect example of what it means to be a man,” he explained.

“He represents exactly what they’d like to be in their own lives: rich, proud, clever, and Don Giovanni; plus a hustler and corrupt; and these are exactly the terms that people all over the world use to describe Italians.”

This week, he spoke out again.

‘THIS IS ITALY!!!” he roared, “Nothing better than this captain’s actions can explain Italian people’s behaviour,” he stormed.

“Have I ever been on a cruise liner? No. never,” he added. “And I have no plans to book one either, flights are bad enough.”

http://bit.ly/2X3pk1 (David Foster Wallace’s classic- and hilarious- critique on cruising, Harpers)

http://bit.ly/wUCrd (How to swear in italian)

Click to buy the sleeveless T shirts